we have officially lost it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
