I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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