it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
