she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
