he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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