You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
