it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
