I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize