gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
