I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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