The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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