I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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