Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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