i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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