im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
