Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
