i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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