Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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