So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
