my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
