I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
