My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
