Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
