I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
