Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
