I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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