i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
