don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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