FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
