I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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