I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
