Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
