Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
