I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
