yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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