I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
