just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
