Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
pray to the hookup gods
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
