i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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