she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
