every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
