my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
