his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
