i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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