If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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