Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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