if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
