my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
