just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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