it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
