party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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