Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
