I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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