So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was born a porn star she said
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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