Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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