I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
