I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
