Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
vagina is talking i cant
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
