i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
